What to Wear: Funeral

Funerals are part of the fabric of society, as everybody gets one eventually, but – with a few exceptions – they are not exuberant events.  Of course, a number of cultures have related traditions, such as boisterous wakes in celebration and remembrance of the deceased’s life, but for the most part, funerals are somber and held in line with the religious traditions of the bereaved family.

While there are other cultural norms (such as many Asian traditions, where white is the color of mourning), for most Western funerals, dark colors, especially black, is expected.  Guys can’t go wrong with wearing a dark suit, with a white shirt, and a dark tie, in most funeral settings, although dark-toned “business casual” will pass if the family of the deceased is of a less-formal bent.

Obviously, a funeral is not a place to be putting the focus on oneself, so the more muted and subtle the styling and accessorization, the better.  One is there to pay respects to the dead, and to be of support to the family, so being part of the expected backdrop for the rituals is the best course of action.

For women, the plain black dress is a good option … but not the “little black dress” that one might wear out to cocktails.  The length should be below the knee, the neckline high, and, if practical, the arms covered.  If your closet has only “steamy” black dresses, opting for a more conservative style in a muted color would probably be another option.  Dark suits, or dress-and-blouse combinations are also good bets for these events.

This is also not a time for high heels or flashy jewelry, and keep in mind that some traditions might have rather long ceremonies involving a lot of standing and kneeling as well as sitting, so planning for elements that are reasonably comfortable is probably a good idea as well.

As one would expect, most casual attire is not appropriate.  Sneakers, sandals, jeans, shorts, sweat pants, t-shirts, golf shirts, hoodies, sports jerseys, etc. should not even be considered unless you know for a fact that this is what is expected by the family.

Of course, if the deceased and/or their family has specified a “theme” for the memorial, or has been explicit in their expectations of there being a “party atmosphere”, these guidelines go right out the window … but one should, obviously, make very sure that those variations are desired, and check with the hosts (or the facility at which the event is being held) for the specifics.

As is the case in most non-casual dressing scenarios, arriving more conservatively dressed than the average is easier to forgive than showing up as though you were expecting a themed event, no matter how enthusiastic the deceased may have been for the subject.